


Forever Anywhere

by Oaklin



Series: Forever Everything [45]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Internal Monologue, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, obligatory Kevin Steen warning, stealth angst, stealth romance, weird introspective musings about awful things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-18 06:32:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10611219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oaklin/pseuds/Oaklin
Summary: Anywhere together is better than heaven apart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Hello!
> 
> Okay, so this last week did not go how I planned. At all. I wasn't even sure if this was going to go up or not. Depending on how this next week goes, Building Forever may or may not be postponed. We will see. Life is bludgeoning me in the nuts again, so hopefully that will either ease up, or I will be able to deal relatively well, and make time for these. I'm shooting for that second one at the minimum, because writing these makes me oddly happy.
> 
> Which is really strange, given the subject matter ^.^
> 
> Anyway, now that the boring personal stuff is out of the way, I feel like this one should come with a bit of a bby!Steen warning? He is like, super up his own ass in this one. It's all navel gazing and vaguely philosophical questions to _himself_ about his relationship with Sami. I dunno how confusing this one is going to be, because there is lots of Kevin referring to Sami either by pronouns alone, or in that reverent-towards-the-light way. Hopefully it is not too confusing  <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

- _too fucking bright_ -

(you don’t **say** )

- _aren't your eyes aching?_ -

(always)

- _then go back into the shade_ -

(little _too late_ for that)

- _what?_ -

(you never have a problem with the light any other time)

- _it **burns**_ -

( _‘it’s supposed to’_ )

- _...touche_ -

Kevin runs his fingers over the money in his pocket, the pads of his fingers running over the grainy paper, as if to memorize each and every groove. The bills are slightly crumpled, probably from being thrown into a pocket, or a gym bag, stashed away to be used to further the along on the long roads they travel. Long roads that only lead to sweat, and blood, and pain. Which produces more money, that gets spent moving further down the road.

The cycle goes on and on, stretching out before them like a long chain of **insanity**.

- _the very definition, actually_ -

(yes, yes)

(doing the same thing over and over)

(blah blah blah)

- ** _forever_** -

(doesn’t sound like a very _nice_ forever)

“Kevin? Are you alright?”

( _no_ )

(the answer is literally **always** -)

It is _**blood money**_ really. Stolen from one person-

(who was dumb enough to leave it’s retrieval in the hands of someone untrustworthy)

-and given to someone who had no regard for it’s real recipient. Lost in the shuffle, the wayward payment was held hostage not by greed, but by a meddling sense of irreverence. Stolen from an idiot, and gifted to another idiot to entertain themselves. For what end and what exact entertainment, Kevin neither knows, nor does he care. He may or may not have asked why exactly Daniels’ was willing to get involved, and gotten a predictably stupid, nonsensical answer.

He didn't ask anymore questions after that.

- _who is the meddler now?_ -

(wasn’t meddling)

- _then why did you even go into Daniels’ room in the first fucking place?_ -

Daniels was inclined to hand the cash over into Kevin’s waiting palm, because for one, Kevin would pound his bald head into the ground if he didn’t. Two, Daniels wasn’t even keeping the money to spend it. He was holding it over Beef’s head to piss the blond cunt off. Daniels was only involved to amuse himself. Other than his own mirth, he had no personal involvement in the whole fiasco.

Not like **_Kevin_** -

Those **_hazel eyes_** are _sparkling_ in the dim apartment light, a red tinge to **_his_ ** cheeks as **_he_ ** meets the **darkness** head on, like **_he_ ** can.

Like _**he** _ is **brave** enough.

Like it doesn’t **_burn him alive_** to stand in the **shadows**.

(the way in _burns_ Kevin to stand in ** _the light_** )

How does the _**brightest of lights**_ stand so close to the _**shadows?**_

How does the **_sunniest day_ ** stare straight into the **_blackest night?_**

How does the most **_resplendent star_ ** not get swallowed up by the **_endless vacuum of space_ _?_**

Kevin’s eyes trail along the floor, following the patterns of light filtering through the misty window. The foggy glass pane casts harsh shadows across the splintered floor, the contrasts of the warm sun shafts clashing roughly with the muted darkness. Still, the shadows fit seamlessly to the suns patters, the two slotting together like the _complimentary pieces_ of the **whole** that they were always _**meant to be**_.

(always _wanted_ )

- ** _need_** -

Odd, that it is **Kevin** who can’t look up.

Can’t make **_eye contact_**.

(in moments like _these_ )

- _hurts_ -

(it **doesn’t** )

- _it **does**_ -

( ** _want_** )

- ** _burns_** -

He feels like if he raised his head, lifted his chin and took in **_that gaze_** , he would _fall apart_. At times like these, in breathless moments like this, it feels like those **_hazel eyes_** have enormous power over him. Kevin can feel the wariness, deep in his gut, slicing through him like a saw blade through butter.

If he looks up, he will _wither away_ under the intense glare of the sun. He will be **burned** to ashes, set **_alight_ ** by the burn of Sami’s splendor, _crushed_ to **dust** under those ** _illuminating eyes_**. Something like fear grips him and he crushes the money in his fist, breathing hard through his nose and ignoring the tremble in his fingers as he finally raises his head.

- _coward_ -

Beef puffs up, like the little bitch that he is. His hair is ruffled, and he is standing-

Kevin inhales harshly, grinding his teeth together until his jaw aches.

Beef is _standing_ -

( **fuck** )

Kevin pushes down the insistent, irrational urge to grab Beef by the throat and slam him through the nearest wall, just to get him out of the way. The blond shit stain has fucking zero right to be standing in **_between_** Kevin and Sami.

As if he means to _protect_ Sami.

Or _**something**_.

(yeah _right_ )

(he fucking **wishes** )

(Beef couldn’t protect a dog from a shit-eating tick)

(he can’t even fucking protect _himself_ )

- _that bruise certainly backs **that** particular boast up_ -

Kevin squints at the sickly green bruise along Beef’s cheek bone, admiring his handy work. He can feel a sneer working it’s way up and across his face, but his vindictive train of thought is stopped by the **_melodious voice_** of what he _swears_ will be **his downfall** , ringing out in irritated tones across the room.

“Can you two _not,_ please? Beef-”

(stop talking to _Beef_ )

(I’m right **here** )

- _mine_ -

( ** _forget_ ** fucking Beef)

(forget **_everyone_** )

- ** _forever_** -

Kevin shifts, jamming a hand in his pocket and digging his fingers into his car keys, the sharp metal edges cutting harshly into his skin, until he is sure that he can speak _without_ saying anything that Sami will **regret**.

- _who gives a shit_ -

(not mine)

(never mine)

( _can’t_ )

- _won't_ -

- ** _coward_** -

( _hurts_ )

( **burns** )

( _ **too bright**_ )

- _not bright **enough**_ -

- _closer_ -

- ** _take_** -

“I didn’t come here to listen to you two idiots flirt with each other.”

And oh, the way Sami flinches.

(worth it)

- ** _mine_** -

(...maybe)

(doesn’t **want** to be though)

- _idiot_ -

(doesn’t want to be Beef’s, either)

(so **_maybe_** -)

Kevin realizes abruptly that he should **leave**.

Like, _right now_.

 ** _Immediately_**.

Before-

fuck

At least it is gratifying to slam a shoulder into Beef as he walks past, both on his way to throw the cash on the counter-

(he could reach out and  ** _touch the sun_** )

(if he had the _right_ )

-and on his way back across this shit hole apartment, towards the door.

( **freedom** )

- _no **freedom** from **forever**_ -

(not)

( _no._ )

( **can’t** )

- ** _want_** -

( ** _fuck_** )

Why does Beef _ever_ fucking open his whore mouth?

(like he even **wants** the answer to _that_ question)

Kevin _**could** _ answer. **Should** answer. He should open his mouth and say the _words_ he should have said three days ago. The words he maybe even should have said the **first time** he stretched a hand out and wrapped his fingers around what he hoped would make **_the light_** shine on him.

- _always_ -

Kevin can’t _speak_.

- _ **won't** speak_ -

(shut up)

- _chicken shit_ -

(they wouldn’t **understand** )

- _ **you** don't fucking understand_ -

( ** _fuck you_** )

Kevin tells them somewhat of a lie. He does so without remorse, and without staring into **_the light_** for longer than his brain can handle. One glance at Sami has him wishing he had kept his mouth shut and kept walking.

(no good deed goes unpunished)

- _ **not** a good deed_ -

(got Beef’s fucking money back, fuck you)

- _did **not**_ -

(I did _good_ )

( **this time** )

- _ **not** this time_ -

- _or any **other time**_ -

(Daniels’ is at fault this time, so-)

- _ **can't lie** **here**_ -

- _fixing a problem **you** created doesn't lend you to **the light**_ -

(fuck)

( _wait_ )

( **no** )

( _ **wanted**_ )

And now Beef is looking at Kevin, burning holes through his skull, staring at him with suspicious, wary eyes. Kevin glares back briefly before deciding once again, that he should _leave_. He did what he came here to do after all. No use hanging around anymore.

(no point in staying when Beef looks like he is about to start asking **questions** )

There is an odd gleam in Beef‘s eye, the one that he gets when Kevin has said **_too much_** -

(doesn't make _sense_ )

(haven’t said much of anything this whole time)

(how does he **know?** )

-the look that tells Kevin that he is in for a pop quiz of bullshit. It honestly feels like a test, of some sort. When Beef gets in that kind of mood, he just grills away, relentlessly picking at Kevin‘s words until Kevin wants to throw the little mouthy jackass through the nearest window out of frustration.

He never does, obviously. Kevin wants to wrestle, not get thrown in jail over something _that_ stupid.

- _right_ -

- _that is why_ -

(has nothing to do with **_him_** )

- ** _everything_** -

Why won’t Beef stop staring at him? It’s making Kevin nervous. He should leave. Right now. This instant. Sami is looking at Kevin now too, but without the suspicion. Sami’s eyes are bright, and concerned, brimming with something that **burns** the back of Kevin’s throat until it feels scraped raw. Kevin is sure, for a heartbeat, that if he opens his mouth to speak, his voice will be wafer thin and shaky.

( _burns_ )

“Wait. That doesn’t make any fucking sense, unless it wasn’t actually-”

(at least I can always count on Beef to ruin the moment)

(can't believe it worked out in my favor for once)

(clever bitch)

Kevin stiffens, contemplating letting Beef finish that sentence. Beef has got that look in his eye, like he _knows_. Kevin hates it when Beef **knows**. When **_anyone_ ** knows, really. Sometimes, it feels like Kevin is painfully transparent, that everyone can see right through him, through all that _he is_ and all that **he does**. Right down to the very bones and muscle that hold him **_together_** , all of his darkness apparent to everyone within eyesight.

- _well that fucking metaphor got away from you_ -

- _fucking hell_ -

Kevin should have left already. He should go. This is not a good place to be right now. Not when he feels _this way_. So out of sorts and confused about **everything**. He feels like his head is screwed on backwards. Like he hasn’t slept in a **_week_**.

- _three days give or take, actually_ -

(nap in the car)

- _only so you could put off coming **here**_ -

And he made it here. Did what he came here to do. Fixed-

(Nothing to fix.)

- _guilty much?_ -

Whatever.

The point is, Kevin doesn’t need to be here anymore. He doesn’t want to be here anymore. He wants to leave this fucking place and head to the next show, just like he has been. He wants to get back into his **frigid** car, pull the constricting sheet of _ice_ over his **_chest_** , turn the _ice cold_ keys in the ignition, and drive off into the **dying sun** , heading for the **_darkness_ ** that either awaits him, or follows him _everywhere_.

He is never sure.

- _chasing the sun when it is right fucking in front of you_ -

- _typical_ -

(goddamnit)

He **_wants_** , and he is _so weak_.

 _Why_ is he always **so weak?**

“I’ll give you a ride to the next show.”

Because he **_would_**. For the _look_ on **_that face_** , that **those word** produce, Kevin would do just about-

And then Kevin opens his mouth again, and _ruins_ it like he **always** does. Still, he can **_breath_ ** a little easier when Sami’s face tenses up in annoyance.

It’s a bonus that Kevin gets to flip Beef off as well.

(why does ** _he always_** have to stand **_so close?_** )

The _illumination_ hurts his eyes when he stands this close to **_the sun_**. He squints, tensing up but managing to stand his ground against the **resplendence**. Sami looks hurt, stopping his advance, and Kevin lets himself relax marginally. He tells himself not to reach out, but it is impossible to resist the **_siren song_** of **_that light_**. Sami makes **_that face_** again, the face **_he_ ** makes when _Kevin_ is with **_him_ ** and **they** are - ** _happy_** -

It makes Sami’s whole body burst into _flames_ , like a **phoenix reborn** , or a **_star_ ** exploding to life. _**His eyes**_ sparkle and the room seems to **bleed** with all the colors in those **_hazel eyes_**. Sami looks like **_he_ ** has reached some wayward nirvana, just at Kevin’s grasping, desperate **touch**.

It doesn’t make any sense, but Sami is **so happy** , so Kevin just keeps his mouth shut and grinds his teeth against all the ways that **_the light_** makes him - ** _want_** -

(it is just a few paltry words)

- _always_ -

(they don’t _mean_ -)

- _everything_ -

( _ **he** _ won’t **want** -)

- ** _forever_** -

(...exactly)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, shit. I don't usually do these, write the exact same fic from two different perspectives (uh, in case it wasn't obvious, this is forever when We walk, but this time from Kevin's point of view) but I felt like this was an interesting exercise in character study. Which, to be fair, Kevin is all on his own, but this adds some context for some of Kevin's more bizarre actions.
> 
> Not that this changes anything. Sami still has no idea what the fuck Kevin is doing sometimes, and they are currently in a bit of a rough patch, but still. To be fair to them, I think they are coming along nicely. Their communication skills are still embarrassingly bad, but they are doing their best to figure each other out. Sort of. I still make no promises about where all this is going. I have quite a bit of material already written, but that is a ways off and it never really eases up for them in this particular series. That was what the Left At The Crossroads sequel was for, but that one is being postponed until I can get them to calm down a bit (they started... doing things a little early, so I had to backtrack and do some world building and character stuff first. No, I am not capable of writing mindless pron. It is a burden ;-;)
> 
> Anyway, ramble time over. Hopefully, I will see you next week. If not on _exact_ time, the next fic will definitely be up at some point. Hope you liked it and have a good week!


End file.
